A NOTE TO MY DOCTOR
March 31, 2020
Dear Dr. ______________
Don’t worry. I’m keeping my weight up during this pandemic. That statement is on the up-and-up in every meaning of that expression.
I remember you saying that dark chocolate was good for you, so assuming you meant it was good for me too I’ve been treating it like one of my medicines. I’m taking one dark chocolate 100g bar twice a day. If you think I should be taking three or four bars a day, please let me know. (My favorite brand of dark chocolate is pretty darn expensive, but I’m keeping track and putting the receipts in my medical expenses file for this tax year.)
With the gym closed, I’m still getting my exercise. I go for a half hour walk in a park and then, after a stop nearly every morning at the supermarket, I come home and do my stretching. On a very hard floor, mind you. Without a gym exercise ball at home, you might think my routine would be shorter, but it isn’t. There’s a clock with a loud tick in the room where I stretch and the methodical tick, tick, tick makes it harder for me to cheat in counting to 30 on every rep. And yes, to be honest, I have thought of using a different room or moving the clock.
Besides the dark chocolate, I’m watching my sugar consumption in other ways. Most mornings I drink a large glass of orange juice and usually have toast or a roll with a generous dollop of Austrian jam. I’m careful about reading the labels on sugar content. The jam jar says 12%, but that was the sugar content when it left the plant in Austria. It probably loses some of that as it makes its way across the Atlantic to my supermarket on Long Island, right?
I’m being careful about hydrating. Aren’t you proud of me? I have a bottle of water on the cabinet behind me as I’m writing this. A Google search the other day said that 90 to 95% of beer is water, so after around four in the afternoon (some days three p.m.) I switch to beer. My math may be a little off, but I figure that most days by the time I go to bed at 11:15 I’ve had the equivalent of 540–570% of water. Pretty good, if I do say so.
To be honest, once things get back to normal, it will be interesting to see what I weigh. Normally, I got on the scale at the gym. A few days ago a relative came and took the scale we keep in our bathroom (why she needed it so urgently I don’t know). The way I see it, Doc, if I’ve put on two or three pounds or more by my next appointment it will be her fault, not mine. I hope you agree.
Best wishes. My next appointment isn’t until just before Labor Day, Labor Day 2020, I hope.
Larry McCoy
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