Mudville News — “All Mud, All the Time” — has learned that aides to Donald Trump handed “60 Minutes” producers a suggested list of a dozen questions they wanted Lesley Stahl to ask the president.

1. Hello, Mr. President. You are looking so good after the bout with COVID. You really are handsome. Tell us about what one of your aides has called the “Biden Cartel”?

2. Barack Hussein Obama has been out campaigning for Biden. Obama can barely string two words together in a coherent fashion, wouldn’t you agree?

3. How do you rate your handling of the China virus? An A or an A+?

4. Is there anything you would like to say about Hunter Biden?

5. With Amy Coney Barrett about to be seated on the Supreme Court, we can say a final farewell to the disaster known as Obamacare. Your plan, which you have spelled out in precise detail, will be much better, won’t it?

6. What do you say to those radical socialist critics who claim Mexico isn’t really paying for the Wall and American farmers are really hurting because of the trade war that China started? (Possible follow-up: Excuse me, Mr. President, the question was about the Wall and the trade war with China not what you think of Hunter Biden. Want to have another go at it?)

7. You are so good at pinning devastating labels on your political opponents. “Crooked Hillary, “Pocahontas,” “Sleepy Joe.” Are you going to come up with a nickname for Bill Barr if he doesn’t throw Biden in jail?

8. With all the misinformation the CDC and that clown Fauci have put out about the China virus, what do you say to those who think American schools should stop teaching useless subjects such as math and science?

9. The fake news media claim you have trouble dealing with smart, strong women. Would you like to use this occasion to answer those ridiculous charges and maybe also discuss the low grades Hunter Biden got in grade school?

10. You keep saying we are turning the corner on the China virus and that gives all of us hope. But do we know yet whether there is a stop light on that corner?

11. There’s a rumor going round, probably fake news, that you either said Mike Pence tells the best jokes or that Mike Pence is a joke? Which was it?

12. On a lighter note, if you needed emergency surgery and the only two doctors available were Dr. Jeff Sessions and Dr. Hunter Biden which one would you pick?
The White House has yet to reply to Mudville News’s request for comment. We didn’t bother contacting the wienies over at CBS News.

Retired journalist, posts essays at, a new book, “Grandma Told Me To Never Believe Anything Grandpa Says,” is now available at book sellers